Where is God?

Last December- My grandfather lost his wife to cancer (a lady he married less than a year ago after losing my grandmother to cancer just the year before).

January- My brother suffered from being robbed and shot twice (in the chest and stomach).

August- My mom was diagnosed with skin cancer.

September- I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer.

November- My mom needs a biopsy to see if she has breast cancer.

This is just the suffering of my immediate family in the last year. I didn’t mention all the suffering going out in my extended family, my close friends, my community, and beyond. It’s everywhere I turn. Where is God?

I’m writing this in hopes that people who read this, who are also suffering right now, will find encouragement through my experience. I’m not a theologian, I don’t read the Bible every day. I don’t trust God all the time. I don’t go to church every Sunday. I’m just girl whose faith has gotten her where she is today with a smile on her face. A girl who has suffered, who has survived, and who wants to speak.

I’ll be honest, there are days I think to myself, “I’m a fool, God is no where in this. If He really loved me, I would not be suffering so much. If He was a loving God, my family and friends would not be suffering so much.

The philosopher, Peter Kreeft, said,

“The Christian God came to earth to deliberately put himself on the hook of human suffering. In Jesus Christ, God experienced the greatest depths of pain. Therefore, though Christianity does not provide the reason for each experience of pain, it provides deep resources for actually facing suffering with hope and courage rather than bitterness and despair.”

So where is God? God is in the suffering. He has suffered for us and suffers with us so that we can see Him and His love. This morning at church, the pastor used a great analogy of dancing to express how to allow Jesus to suffer with you. If dancing along to songs with an upbeat tempo represents times in our life when we are experiencing happy rejoicing, there is also the slow songs, when we are invited to find hope and joy in our suffering. Dancing to the slow song with Jesus allows us to grow more, and to find a more intimate connection with Christ. That sweet beautiful visual made me realize the last few days, I was dancing without a partner and feeling sorry for myself when all along, Jesus was right there, asking me to dance.

I left my children in Dallas with my in-laws on Thanksgiving day. They will be there for 2 weeks so I can do the treatment. Radiation starts Friday and I’ll be in isolation through Dec. 10^th. Even though I will be stripped of almost everything I love while in isolation for 7 days, I know I will not be suffering alone. Jesus will be right there with me “dancing to the slow song”. I’m going to use this time to reflect on what He is doing in my life. I know He has a magnificent plan for me and I am so eager to know what that is. There is SO much I want to do this next year and it is so overwhelming thinking about whether these wants are part of His plan or not. So I am asking my prayer warriors to join me in praying specifically those 7 days that I will allow God to be present the whole time and that the enemy will not interfere, that my heart and mind will be open to hear His voice, and that I will come out of this with the courage to face whatever He has planned for me.

Thank you!

Love,

Missy